me, pitching the Trojan Horse concept: okay we construct a big horse out of wooden and I sneak inside. I furnish the inside with rugs, a mattress, possibly a Monet. actual cozy. then I dwell there, rent-free, and also you wheel me to locations I wanna go — Karen Chee (@karencheee) September 21, 2020
One night time in faculty, my roommate received tremendous drunk fairly rapidly and ended up getting sick. We handed her a garbage can, with trash already in it. She puked a number of occasions and began crying, after which appeared within the can and yelled, OMG I THREW UP A FORK?! — Lady Who Got […]
Emails now be like: I hope you are staying safe, sheltered in place, stocked with toilet paper, and healthy during these absolutely unprecedented, wild, chaotic, terrifying times. Just wanted to follow up- — open your purse (@_chismosa_) March 26, 2020
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Anyone else have grandparents do weird stuff that was explained by the fact that they lived thru the Depression? We’re going to be those grandparents. “Daddy why is grandma clorox wiping the grocery bags?” “She lived thru COVID honey she doesn’t talk about it.” — jess mcintosh (@jess_mc) April 8, 2020
INTERVIEWER: … Why should we hire you? ME: I bring something different to the table INTERVIEWER: Oh? What’s that? ME: [sets down my pet raccoon] INTERVIEWER: ME: RACCOON: INTERVIEWER: Can you start today? RACCOON: No — Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) April 12, 2020
CINDERELLA: were you always my fairy godmother FAIRY GODMOTHER: yes, always CINDERELLA: so you watched my stepmother horribly mistreat me for years and did nothing FAIRY GODMOTHER: CINDERELLA: FAIRY GODMOTHER: CINDERELLA: FAIRY GODMOTHER: look what i can do to this pumpkin — Jill la Jill (@JillianKarger) April 21, 2020